i wasnt talking abt u.. i was talking abt hm and xj..
if u meant the time, i ignored u its bcoz hm was there.. & i wasnt in good mood to talk to her..
ya, i thought it was all a joke, the 1st few mins aftr it happened ya'll laugh, bt its ok to me.. im stupid wht.. bt evn though the laughs all ended alr, near the hall there, thy keep repeating it for the same reason..& tht does hurt me..
& ya i saw wht sir did to u.. thts why i din laugh bcoz its almost the same as mine.. bt u and i are diff, and u cn get over it easily..myb i also couldhve get over it tht easily..if my patience wasnt short tht time..
& my grandma is nt coming back...u knw tht we are poor people & evn my parents couldnt afford a ticket for me to go wif thm.. i wouldnt say things like tht if she's still coming back..
im sorry if i kept showing tht black face.. i juz dont know how to express myslf by saying it.. so i also din say anything..
ya myb its my fault nt saying anything..i thought she know.. bt she din know..,, haha, she's slow aftrall.. im sorry if i ignore her or hurt her agn, ya im always the bad person..im always at fault.. im always the one who's giving in in the end, evn though no one ever knows tht im also hurt.. im always the one who's being sorry.. nth id evr ask special except to juz understnd me..bt no one ever..
"fine, its my fault..i admit it, its all my fault..bcoz it was me in the 1st place.. and thts how to end this issue fast.." thts wht i used to think evrytime whenever we gt misunderstndings.. and funny how it seems, it will end the same agn..
and i care to evry msg u put in my tag..bcoz you are also my bestfriend, and im nt blaming u for all this..and im in no position to blame hm or xj anymore, the one left is myslf.. coz im the one at fault ok..im sorry..
haha, and abt how skinny i was..LOL! ya, no one will laugh for me being over skinny.. & on my tht part of post, i was referring to hm tht time..coz i dont knw if she was showing concern, bt juz indirectly by playing wif my arm instead, see if i was hurt or not.. i reali dont knw.. or myb she's juz making a joke out of it agn...
& myb i knw y'all well..MAYBE...& i also love u guys... sometimes i juz tend to hurt those people i love...to make thm understnd how i feel..im sorry...
& to heimun:
i think u will be reading this or maybe not.. coz i think u hate me now.. w/c i think u'll reply agn by saying "no, i dont hate you" haha, agn i really dont knw if thts true or nt.. or u are juz being sarcastic... all this time i will be thinking tht all u say is true.. and i still believe you...bcoz i trust you and because you hve gotten closer to me.. u are so kind.. if i would make a list on the "times u stood up for me", "times i was soo happy bcoz of u", "times u helped me, times u were there" i think its endless.. your patience to me,, i think its also endless... times im hurt bcoz of you..i set aside.. bcoz its not worth thn those good times weve been through... i hope uve been happy wif me too.. i knw there are times u'll be unhappy too..like now.. sometimes i also hate you for being so quiet, not saying anything abt our misunderstndings..like now.. sometimes i hate tht im always the one who's goin to say out alot of things which juz make more problems out of problems.. sometimes i juz hate myself from being relentless talking abt these issues.. i juz dunno why the heck im saying these things...haha
ok, to the point.. IM SORRY! cassan, say u were upset coz i kept ignoring you ytd.. w/c i know,, bt i juz dont bother.. i pretend not to care... u asked me why im so sad.. actually im happy tht u asked me abt tht... bt part of me inside juz dont wanna give in lor.. so i kept denying and juz kept quiet.. w/c i think hurt you bcoz u are left nt knowing it... i knw friends are suppose to say out their problms to each othr.. bt i didnt! and i admit i was wrong.. if i said it.. this issue wouldnt hve gone crazy.. isnt it?haha.. blame it on ur dumb dumber dumbest friend..! sigh...
haha..actually i was the one who's expecting you to say 'sorry' to me..bt in the end i was the one..its always like this lor.. the time u were late ytd,,i was expecting you to sorry to me bt in the end i was one saying sorry to myself.. say, " im sorry bcoz i juz cnt leave my friend being late alone" i alwys think tht someone is not a friend if tht person always leave u behind..in the tough times.. so i dont wanna leave you.. evn though i hve to lie tht i missd my bus juz to cover up the reason...
ok, tht shd be all..i will be waiting for ur reply.. if i nv receive anything frm u, ill take it as u hvnt forgiven me yet... i will wait and do whtever it takes juz for you to forgive me.. coz u knw tht i cnt afford to lose you as one of my bestfriends..to lose those great memories tht we had, before we soon take our different paths in life.. i dont wanna waste those precious memories.. i hope u understand...
