sigh.... ytd night ws reali terrible leh..cz while i ws revisin' my binomial theorem in bed wif my sleepin grandma and sis... someone arrived went crashing and destroying evrything in his path.. & and i knw it ws my father..he ws drunk..and he ws v pissed on one of our housemates,,thts why..which is kinda of annoying also lah.. its like my family has been hating thm for yrs. and some more where staying in one house leh, we share living room, dining room and kitchen..cn u imagine the tension..?.. so yah.. he cnt take the anger tht he juz punch, hit, and shout his lungs out ytd night..he wants to pick a fight! lol! he is v childish leh... he evn destroyed the single bed whre he & my mom sleeps..and the most embarassing thing is my grandma is here wif us, & im reali v scared.., cz my grandma juz shivered in fear and she's v worried for my dad..and our othr housemates ws trying to stop him lah, and thy also helped us fix the things tht were in mess...its reali embarrassing.. well, basically i ws continuin revising..like heck no care at all..and my sister being one of the strongest of the two of us tried to lecture my father..bt my father thinks tht he's superior and he's right..so it just ended up as if we dun even exist in the house at all..as his daughters to be precise.. and he went out agen...

though i wsnt evn there to care abt wht happened..i cnt stop the tears tht ws falling frm my eyes..well, i knw its v normal for my father to get v wild like the last time..he evn hurt his hand leaving drops of blood in my piano pieces bck thn..i still cn rmb.. cz tht time he wants to crash my one and only keyboard!! omg!! bt i wouldnt let him do tht, so i took the broom and hit him v hard instead!!lol! and ofcourse he's v big, so he just pull the broom and throw me away..haha its v funny, bt the situation itself is nt..nw tht i recall i cn laugh abt hw silly i ws to stirke him with a broom!..haha, well, i cn laugh bcz i v used to it alr le.. for almost two yrs knwing hw hving a father would look like is like worst thn hving without him around us...whn he ws gone cz he ws here and we were there, i cn feel the emptiness inside..bt evn though he's here wif us now as one whole family...its more thn the emptiness tht i feel..cz wht's the use of being tgt if we are juz nt living in peace...so sometimes i wonder.. whts the use of hving a father if evrytime he would make my mom cry...my sister..and also me.. sigh......bt i think ill juz bear wif it lah..aftrall he IS my father and i hve to respect tht, evn though sometimes he dun show respect to us...

I REALLY WISH we cn move house as soon as possible!! its reali getting v chaotic out here... i hope my father wont do such demonic actions again.. esp tht there are also othr families living in this house... sigh.......i feel so ashamed abt him..i felt like he hs gone mad.. i wonder if.. i would do the same things infrnt of him..hw would he feel? will he realize tht he is wrong in his actions? or will he juz refuse nt to hear wht is right..? this morning ws reali vvv IN to doin tht leh..bt i knw ill mke the situation evn worst if i try to shout and destroy evrything like a madwoman..! lol! bt i dont have mental problm ok..i knw its wrong bt wht othr ways cn we do inorder for him to change? he hs been always like tht.. :( i hope there's still a way...

i evn nearly broke down whn we were watching the freedom writers durin the eng period... the violence mde me remind of the incident tht happened last night..arr.. and i nv thought tht my eyes would be so swollen this morning..haha, rmbd this morning ws trying to laugh at my sister's eyes cz its swollen also..lol!, bt i hve the worst so she din find it funny..haha, must hve been v hard for her leh...esp. tht she ws the one who received the most painful words, my dad said tht time... and good thing tht no one asked if i cried or nt ths morning..hehe, cz im v good at hiding things..!lol, tried to be happy and moved on cz i knw it hs happened alr.. the trauma is still here i knw..bt hopefully wont be like him in the future..lol! haha, bt i knw wht is right and wrong alr..so probly nt lah..haha.. ok cn say im nt the most childish in the family, cz its my father who hve stolen my title! lol! i juz found out today..haha,

arghh..its painful...