...sigh... and it started all over agen..juz as i thought, aftr fall-in i had noticed tht.. the small pain i felt at the left side of my belly.. yup, juz ignored.. as my mentallity is "it would juz go away".. (i've experienced this before so am reali used to it..) aftr syf thing whch i din enjoyed tht much... band prac. is i was the SL for the day.., overall i din do well, as expected frm me who doesnt knw how to lead..i always left my members behind..the same thing whn i ws the leader of my patrol in scouts.. i rmb i almost would have lost one of my members... its because i din care.. i dun wanna rmb, it ws terrible.. and i admit the fault tht i did for being such an irresponsible leader.. anw, we had sectionals, me n hongmeng cme frst,,, practiced..at frst i ws doing well,, bt it hurts evrytym i breathe in air and started to blow.. but i juz bear wif it.. as i said the last time,, am nt an obvious person..i like to hide things..

strting frm tht, ws playing wif all my might,, sticked v close into it,, its cz i wanna fight the pain.. played wif xiujing and heimun aftrwards.. thn heimun suddenly gave me a shock,, "why are u so sad?" thn,, i ws "huh?" thn i smiled telling myself, "how cum?" haha, i wasnt giving an expression bt it doesnt mean tht im sad..haha, infct am always like tht..myb she juz nv noticed.. thn i said "how did you knw?" "ofcourse no lah.." with a smiley face...haha, thn she strted looking at me in the eye.. it ws scary,,, am like being overcomed as if she ws telling me "there's nth you cn hide"... sigh.. ok lah, mybe am nt a good actress at all.. bt thn i tried the best tht i cn to give the happy face tht she wanted to see..haha, am in pain u knw! so cn't reali be wif wht i am supposed to be,, gomen-neh!?... haha, u knw wht,, whn u smile at me it sumwht mkes me happy despite the situation tht i have.. thanks yah! ^^ i gotta tell u this thn,,, "wo xi huan ni de xiao rong" hehe, so keep on smiling! (i din knw tht u read my blog,, bt i think u'll gonna read this anyways..) ^^

aftr tht is full band and sir din cum.. so the majors conduct.. and it ws the time whn it started more thn wht it ws bck thn.. simple scale i cnt evn blow properly,, i was hopeless..by thn vivian also noticed tht am nt playin wif full value.. i ws catching my breath.. beared wif it for a while.. and juz pretend to be nth is happening..and i ws jolly-well playing wif the band..it ws fun in the 1st place,, bt the pain is making it hell for me..i ws nt enjoying.. calmed down for awhile, thinking tht i will be able to fight it..

hmm.. myb ken dunno bt i gt heard it... "why joyce so emo today ah?" he asked me to show my teeth, and i knw wht he wanted to get frm me.. thy were funny,, and i appreciate the things thy do for me inorder for me to be happy... haha, i ws smiling bt i felt like crying knwing tht.. as the practice goes on,, its mking it hard for me.. eventually vivian found out tht i was nt feeling ok.. and i also cnnot bear wif it anymore,.. the pain of sumthing drilling inside mkes me wanna cry out loud.. tears wont stop falling frm my eyes, evn though i din wanna cry.. its juz shows me my weakness.. no matter how i tell myslf tht i am nt weak,, it always reflects back into me.. i am weak..i gt to learn hw to admit it.. i knw tht thy all concerned abt me and i am sorry,, for causing so much commotion and trouble,, i hope u guys understand tht there's certan things i cn handle and cetain things tht i wont..i ws on my limit tht time.. and hopefully this is juz nothing.. its juz a challenge tht lord gave me! ^^ reali sorry okie?...hehe

it ws such a good thing tht the bus cme v fast, and whn i reachd home, i immediately went to eat my medicine, which i hvent been eating since thn.. and eat lots of food thn went to bed and cuddle wif my pillow, it ws damn painful....bt eventually i nv noticed tht i ws sleeping alr, and juz nw i woke up wif a v heavy body.. the pain ws gone,, and it ws heaven!! thank god for saving me! i hope tht i would be able to do a good perf tmr! i want to mke lots of fun and memories wif my section and the band... =')